Why cut someone off without saying why? For one thing, explaining opens a conversation, implying you want to work things out, which you don’t. And the same fear is part of why it is so painful to be ghosted. And we had been very, very close friends.”Ĭomments about erstwhile friends included: “She made me feel inadequate and intimidated, correcting my grammar and always having done one better” she “did a number on me, made me feel inadequate, awkward, unattractive” “She made me feel inadequate and depressed.” All these descriptions include the word “inadequate” - that universal fear that we are just not good enough. Annie wasn’t the ringleader, but, she said, “I went along. For example, a woman, Annie, said she still feels regret and shame for not speaking up when, in tenth grade, her entire friends group turned on one member. And it haunted not only the ejected but also the ejectors. The ugliest stories were about being ousted by a group of friends in middle school or high school.

I heard many accounts of cutoffs and ghosting - both from those who’d suffered from it and those who’d done it.

But I learned, as I interviewed over eighty girls and women (ages 9 to 97) for a book about friendship, that cutoffs are a common calamity. Being cut off by a close friend, someone integral to my daily life, was shattering. Marlene tried to stay friends with both of us, but since that meant sticking with Susan, I was locked out. In high school, I was part of a trio: Marlene, Susan and I were constant companions–until one day, for reasons she did not disclose, Susan refused to have anything more to do with me.

Let me tell you why youre wrong meme